I’m still trying to fall in love with me, and I think I know what’s disallowing me from doing so. I shouldn’t have to be reminded why I’m lovable, or need to ask you to remind me. I should be reminded, everyday, in very different ways, directly and indirectly. It’s not a request, I demand it. I deserve love. If you don’t give that to me soon it won’t be hard to find it somewhere else.

I just don’t understand why you of all people find it most difficult to show that. It’s like we’re on two total opposite ends and no matter how many paths I draw out for you, you don’t follow the clues. You don’t take the hints. You don’t see the large pile of tossed bones. Eventually I’m going to get so tired altogether that I will still be lovable but will also lose my ability to love. 

Investing into someone is exhausting. You would think that all you would need to share is your heart, but there’s also the countless hours of using your mind to worry about everything and nothing. Your body becomes exposed for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time, and it may not even feel like that exposure was well-deserved. Most times the other person is using maybe 1 or 2 out of 3 of these things. And here you are giving everything you got.

I know the question is why am I still here? However, I’m wondering why are YOU still here? Can you not see that I’ve shut down all three of my systems that help me to love you better? I want to believe this is the biggest bone I’ve ever thrown - we’re talking the size of Texas. I’m at a standstill (not literally). Your move. Move me. It’s that simple, isn’t it? Apparently not. Why not tell them this? I have. Countless times. That’s why it’s here now.

I hate that everyone wants you to be strong. Keep calm and carry on? No. Don’t tell me to keep calm. This is a cry for help. What is stopping you?